The Judging Committee

The previous science fair coordinator at our school was a brilliant and justifiably renowned scientist, whose discoveries are known far and wide. She had an excellent system, which she documented quite well, and was quite generous with her time and advice when I spent the first year in her tutelage, learning the ropes.

I am NOT a brilliant and justifiably renowned scientist. My intellect was dished out in more meager portions. In everyday life, this is not such a problem. My stunning good looks, which only improve with each passing year, pull me through. Sadly, When it comes to judging science fairs, beauty -- even beauty as intense and dazzling as mine -- is of little use.

Our school is full of brainy kids who toil long and hard on splendid projects, which deserve the best in judging. These brainy kids have brainy parents who know good science fair judging and are not hesitant to voice their objections if the results don't meet their approval.

I solve this predicament in a manner well-known to executives everywhere. I enlist people far smarter than me to do the actual work of judging.

Thanks to our location, we have an abundance of intellect among our parents. Last year we were able to assemble a team which would be the envy of any elementary school science fair coordinator.

This seems to work quite well. I was quite pleased with the diligence, attention to detail, and discernment of our volunteer judges. Our team had the credentials to appraise doctoral dissertations or start a scientific journal. Between them they had decades of experience in scientific evaluation and mentoring.

My only fear about the qualifications of our judging staff is that other science fair coordinators, envying my treasure trove of judging talent will swoop down upon our school like Vikings upon a sleepy village, carrying our judges away!